New Mexico- 340 miles later...

   My body was feeling very strong and very fit as I woke on Saturday morning. My legs were actually craving the miles now and I wanted to run. I joked with a friend that running for six hours a day for so many days in a row that I felt more natural running now than when walking or sitting. In fact I was expecting to run from aisle to aisle the next time I went grocery shopping! I woke up thinking we might put in an epic fifty mile day and still finish this thing on time if things went well. The overall run had turned out longer than we had planned and was going to end up around 340 miles by the finish. I had Emily with me to run every step of the last couple days and I was very happy to have her there. We started the day about 15 miles outside of Alamosa on a long and boring stretch of Hwy 17. When we made the turn back onto Hwy 285 after we ran through town, I noticed the the mile markers along side the road were now in sync with us. They were giving us our countdown to the New Mexico state line; "Mile 35, Mile 34, Mile 33...  I tried to put it to the back of my mind or it was going to drive me nuts. Thirty five miles felt both close and yet extremely far away.

Getting Close...

  We decided to complete the run on Sunday instead of going for a fifty mile day on Saturday. We were feeling fresh and certainly capable of going the extra twenty miles to the state line, but we decided we didn't want to finish the run at night. The extra day didn't really change anything and honestly I think we both were a little sad to see the run come to an end. Sunday morning we met up with a local runner who wanted to pace us in for the finish and the three of us set off as a group. The "Mile Marker 20" sign became "Mile Marker 5" in a blur of conversation and anticipation of the looming finish. Myself, Emily and our new friend Jeff Owsley were now running down the road and chatting about books, music, American heroes and what inspires us all to run. I was drifting in and out of the conversation as the miles ticked off. It didn't seem possible but my mind was simultaneously going a hundred miles per hour and yet clear and peaceful at the same time. As I looked around me and tried to collect all of the amazing views for future reference I noticed "Mile Marker 5" approaching. I slowed down and walked over to the sign. I stopped and put my hand on it and looked at Emily. I didn't have to say anything, she knew exactly what I was thinking. Emily and Jeff came over and placed their hands on the mile marker next to mine."Five" we all said together- without another word we started running again towards the state line. 

 

  4 Miles From the Border

    I remembered a day not so long ago when I woke up thinking "I just ran a marathon for God's sake- no one will ever be able to take that from me"  It was the morning after my first marathon finish in October of 2006. It was only 14 months removed from a time when my pants were size fifty and I was drunk every single day. Those words still hold as much power now as they did then. Even here in May of 2012 after running 336 miles across Colorado, I could still draw strength from that moment. As we ran those last few miles down Hwy 285 the sun was starting to get intense. I could feel the heat of it on the tops of my hands- I looked down to take notice of them. In all the precautions we made to protect ourselves; wearing hats, applying sunscreen etc. I failed to think of  my hands being exposed as I ran holding my water bottles each day. Now I could see several bubbling blisters on the tops of my thumbs and backs of my hands. I thought of the bloody knuckles and various contusions I woke up to find during my drinking days and I smiled a little to myself. I looked up from my hands and saw another Mile Marker- once again we all stopped and walked over to the sign. Together we placed our hands on it; "Four" we said together. 

 

  3 Miles From the Border

     I looked up the road into the distance and I saw my parents standing on the side taking pictures of us. They were each wearing red "The Superman Project.org" T-shirts and their smiles were of the ear to ear variety. "No words, Son" my Dad said to me in a serious tone as we approached the crew car. My dad has been our full-time dedicated driver and volunteer for the last 9 days and he was emotional as he looked at me. My mom hugged me and told me that she thought I was "fantastic" She has been my biggest fan and best-est friend since I was a kid. I was so thankful that my Mom and Dad were there for this epic adventure and I thanked them for perhaps the 100th time of the day. As Emily and Jeff and I filled our water bottles and headed back out I turned back to see mom and dad hugging each other- still in love after all this time. Before we started running again Emily, Jeff and I had a little job to do- we walked over to the sign on the other side of the road from the crew vehicle. We extended our hands to the next marker... "Three" we said.

  2 Miles From the Border

     "Getting closer" I thought as we kept the forward progress going. I was choking back tears now and I could hear Emily doing the same. We avoided looking directly at each other I think because our hearts were so full we might just burst if our eyes met. For the first time perhaps all day we ran in silence. "Two" we said together as we touched the next mile marker. 

 

  1 Mile From the Border

  I could see two things clearly in the landscape and beauty surrounding me. I could see the shiny little silver crew car way out in the horizon marking the New Mexico state line, and I could see my potential future in the eyes of the little Italian girl running next to me. I thought then that whatever the future holds for me it will be bright. Bright because I am committed to making it my destiny to live in the light. I will have lows, I will have highs, but I will run through every ache and pain along the way without letting them seem bigger than they are. I will never quit living and moving forward in the face of any hardship- because I believe that is precisely what life is. Another green sign approached us on the left. This time through tears and cracked voices Emily and I touched the final mile marker... "One"

  Less Than 1 From the Border

     I could now clearly see the "Welcome to New Mexico" sign ahead but my eyes kept drifting up to the skies. I was emotional to say the least and I was actually mumbling thanks to God out loud as we ran forward. The images and memories started running through my mind again only this time at a thousand miles per hour. I felt the pain of waking up hungover and smelling like vomit. I could feel the pride of seeing my children born.  I heard my son's first "Superman" words to me at the finish of the Leadville 100. I felt the shame of my own words as I lied to doctors to get prescription drugs. I tried to push it all away and savor the finish, but I could feel the clouds and mountains swallowing me and I felt smaller and smaller- I was just a tiny speck of sand now in the desert of recovery and hope.  Finally relief came- like a heavy wave rolling over me I felt the power of  "The Superman Project" vision. I could see the bright colors of sobriety, I could hear the singing voices of the hearts of people following us step by step online. I felt connected and alive and.... grateful. I cried. I cried for every time my kids might have heard me dry heaving through the bathroom door. I cried for every daughter whose father has drank himself to death in a hotel. I cried for every heroin addict fighting like hell to kick. I cried for everyone out there still suffering. And I cried for every sacrifice each of my friends and family made to make sure that I could complete this journey of hope and redemption. The final tears came as I saw myself through my parent's eyes. The pride, the love and the respect I saw  there erased all the times I looked into those same faces and wondered if they were ashamed that their son was a drunk...

      After a few private words and moments between Emily and I, we looked over and saw one last sign about 100 feet away. It said "End of Colorado" We realized we weren't quite finished with the journey. We went over to the signed and touched it- now we were done. The physical journey ended with 340 miles of running. We went over four mountains passes. We encountered a little rain, some snow, fierce winds almost the whole way and many emotional and physical aches. The physical mileage had ended but I still I had one more step to take...

       Step 12:

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs"