Southern Colorado towards the border... Step 11

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out"


    Over the past few days the beautiful alpine terrain we have been treated to has flattened out and the mountains have seemed to roll off into the horizons along side of us like the retreating tide- what has been left are long straight sections of land and road that challenge our minds and leave us to our own thoughts. Part of my personal journey through recovery has been a accepting the fact that I am plugged into a greater picture of the world than I could paint on my own. I have always felt that we are all free to create the exact lives of our choosing, but how does my vision of the world affect the vision of the person next to me? That is a difficult question to wrap your mind around if you let it simmer. But since I have recently had some free time to navigate and explore my thoughts I will share some of my meanderings....

     So there I was running down another section of another road trying to get a few miles closer to New Mexico and the end of this 300+ mile journey of recovery. And as I trudged forward on this particular day (with Jeremy and Emily along either side of me) into a 20 mph headwind, it occurred to me an additional way this run represents my actual life- Just yesterday I was running downhill with the wind at my back and a clear vision of the road stretching out into the horizon. Everything seemed "locked in" I could see where I was going and I was getting there fast. But today I had to lean forward and even look down at times to keep going into the wind. It was hard to see the road ahead and my progress was slow and difficult. Seemingly very different experiences, yet I had the same task at hand and the same plan for success- keep moving forward.

   I am not much of a "praying man" although I have and do pray at times. Praying to me as it is commonly represented seems vain or even shallow at times. It seems to me that God probably has better things to do than to intervene in the minutia of our daily lives or help us with problems that he has in his infinite wisdom adequately equipped us to solve ourselves. But I also understand that, even in the absence Creator micromanagement, by resolving to check in with my spiritual higher power I can improve the quality of my daily life. When I took the step to turn over my life to the will and care of God as I understood him- I made a commitment to see the world as being bigger than just me and my personal calling. A commitment to believe that there is an order in the way that things are done in the universe that supersedes my ability to shape the daily orbit of my aspirations. I know that I likely will never ascertain the true meaning of things so I must do my best to understand how things affect me, and how I can use my life to serve the greater good- all while making a living and raising my kids in the process. Wow, seems kind of complicated- So I took my 11th step- I prayed.

   I asked God to show me what he had in mind for me as I ran today. I asked for the patience to keep looking for ways to evolve as a human. I asked for an enlightened state that would include less of me, and more of a positive impact. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be Gandhi here. I am not trying to become a bleeding heart save the world activist. I just want to know that maybe my life, my honestly, my willingness to share and perhaps even my words will bring a little light to the world. Or at least wash away some the the dirt and muck I cast on it while I was still out there using. I prayed for the gift of sight and vision to see my place in the universe- not the place where I want to be, but maybe the place where he would have me. The place where I would most fulfill the gifts and talents that were given to me- The place where my potential would meet my location. I believe the old saying "What we are is God's gift to us- and what we make of ourselves is our gift to God" I truly believe from the soles of my feet to the top of my head that we are all capable of almost anything. So in my mind knowing what I could be- is equivalent of knowing what I should be.



  Run Update...

     We are currently 20(ish) miles from the border of New Mexico and the end of this very long journey. We have already traveled longer, farther and higher then we expected. We have laughed, cried, shared and grown together in the process- I am speaking of You, me and all of us as one family. Each day a new friend, a new section of road and a new step of personal and spiritual discovery. There isn't much I can say that I haven't already said in previous blog posts but I will say that I will never be able to scratch the surface on what it has meant to me to receive so much love and support during this time. Knowing that this cause and this journey has meant something to someone else- anyone else- makes it all worth while. It has been my most profound pleasure to get to know so many new people through The Superman Project. And also to get to experience a new deeper love and respect for a few old friends as we shared miles together in God's country.
   I have to one last time acknowledge that each day, in every possible way, Emily Booth has been there. I am so glad that she has been with me since day one sharing the ups and downs and the logistics. It is only fitting that she has also been with me running every mile of the last two days and will be there for each of the final twenty miles or tomorrow as we bring it home.